have u ever been caught in the middle before? between 2 ppl, 2 ppl with conflicting ideas?

ask me.



i really hate to be the middle person. caught in that position between my sis-es, my mum and my sis.




a lot of things that i have no idea how to put in words.



my mum, too much pent up feelings brought abt by things that happened long time ago.
my sis, too rebellious.

not to say that anyone has perfect character eg me, bad temper.



i really have no idea about all these EQ stuff. all these person to person relationships, how do u juggle them? how do make sure that u say things to suit every single individual and make everyone happy? make it a win-win situation.


it is indeed really hard to be a human being. if there was a next life...i think i will choose not to be one. a bird? perhaps.

sometimes, it's better not to know something that you were not supposed to know. makes you see things in such a cynical light, the act put on by the subject simply irks you becos you know the truth behind that facade.

it angers me to know that out of this few thousand chinese words we have to learn, only 10 will come out in the exams. chinese would have been much more fun to learn if not for the exams actually. jus think of our last few chi lessons...shouting the answers to the ppl at the bd to write and fight for the CHoCOlate!! hahahahhahahah....wy and her super fast hands (leading to bad handwriting)

looking fwd to the new lease on life 23 days from now. please release me.
and drming of life then already. i will not be home most of the time...hahah...seen enuf of my books and my study rm. cant wait to sell chunks of wkshts and past yr papers (eg Mr chang's papers WITHOUT ans!! grr) to the garang guni. sure my mum will be so prd of me. and by then, my table (which seems as if a crazy wind had swept over it) can finally see the light. literally.

my temper is real real bad. u would probably have experienced it if u had ever pissed me off before. sorry....i really cant control it at times. impatience? or jus pure short-temper...both

that's bad.

my poor keybd had been banged on twice today for (the comp) pissing me off totally. sometimes i dun understand my own bouts of anger and i totally regret after that. maybe i should go for some anger management class?

i will probably be taking tmr's chem pract with nostalgia, knowing it will probably be the last chem pract i will be doing in my life. i hope tmr's lock up will be endurable - disadvantage of being the first batch, but the good thing is, we get clean pipettes and burettes!

everyday i do my work with the knowledge that Os is coming. SOON. it still feels like something surreal somewhere in my consciousness. soon, it will be over. soon we will get our results back. time passes more quickly than ever before! sometimes i can hardly distinguish what happened yesterday and the day before. and i cant wait for it to be over. i suppose when it is over, all of us will feel a sense of 'loss'. it's been our motivation for the past year, perhaps 2 yrs. suddenly we will be so free we will feel weird to not be doing anything. school has trained us, in a way, into workaholics!

yesterday was our official last day in rgs and in 401. this probably has not sunk in anyone's mind yet, as are any parting occasions. our class has been wonderful! all thanks to very fun and hyped up ppl in our class + thanks to karen's boisterous laughter and steph's narcissism that always lightens up our classrm. shall we all meet one day,perhaps 10 yrs later, and all of us very different in our on way, there will be this chapter of our lives in rgs 401 that we all share. and perhaps, wanying may one day, really end up being the first to be married with 2 kids in ten yrs time, or esther earning her first million by 30, or anything at all, our memories remain and that we will keep forever in our hearts.

this week had been rather significant. our last chinese lesson in our whole lives, my last physics lesson (tht's a joy!). our last chem lesson with mrs tan!! she's a great tcher...i felt i had learnt so much more this yr! last lit lesson with ms leow, our dearest, comical ms leow..sighz

as for our class, there will be no more mass toilet-going sessions and terrorizing 315's class terrapin (charmaine). *sobs* it feels weird..it's jus too fast. summore our class ppl are going to various jcs...sighz. gd times end too soon.oh, i am so gonna miss the last row ppl..wanying! haha, hanna and i had a great time sitting beside her, luffing at her funny jokes and blurness. hope to see her arnd in sch next time!

bond's concert is today!!! arghh..no money to go.

7 days to chem pract
8 days to RJC open hse
17 days to Os

seems like i have been offending ppl a little too much...removed all those content. peace is good. not exactly in the best of moods these days

it is a painful dream. but it is possible. we can achieve it.

results were disappointing..expected better but hope all will be well after moderation. i have put up a big sign saying RJC on my noticebd. it's a motivation (it works!), it's a goal. had a rj talk in sch today, the principal was over 2m tall!!!! but somehow, despite all these talks by jcs(and the very apparent rivalry among hc and rj...i mean VERY VERY apparent)my determination to go rj has never been wavered. once a rafflesian, always one! it's a pact between eve and i.

moderation results coming out nxt wk. high high probability that they will moderate amaths, to my relief, and hope they do so for the sciences. i must mug frm now on, so i shall not blog for a REALLY REALLY LONG time...haha, even blogs hibernate.

have been calling my sises online..it's so fun! this program called skype. if u have a mike, u can jus tok over the internet free! even conferences (meaning more than 1 person). hopefully my mum can learn how to on the comp herself (though it's quite tough -- she has difficulties controlling the mousie!). well, she's a housewife, quite a relaxing life actually..haha, since all her kids are grown. but of cos no sane, educated woman of singapore nowadays will give up her 20 years of education, striving for the best instituition, the best results, in hope for the best career just like that. not me at least *shrugs* actually, that's the crux of our population prob...no matter how much incentive u offer, there's still this problem with no resolutions.

The Waste Land

In this decayed hole among the mountains
In the faint moonlight, the grass is singing
Over the tumbled graves, about the chapel
It has no windows, and the door swings,
Dry bones can harm no one.
Only a cock stood on the rooftree
Co co rico, co co rico
In a flash of lightning. Then a damp gust
Bringing rain

Ganga was sunken, and the limp leaves
Waited for rain, while the black clouds
Gathered far distant, over Himavant.
The jungle crouched, humped in silence.
Then spoke the thunder

~T. S. Eliot


savour the words of this poem....
nature will triumph over mankind

yay!!! most of the ppl are rejoicing now, cos prelims are over!!! so weird rite? it was such a BIG thing, but now it's over so quickly.

my sis left last night...miss her...we are practically everything in the world...partners in crime, sis, frens,enemies, loggerheads. we know each other like we know ourselves...currently i'm at home with only my mum.

niwae, watched dodgeball on wed..such a crap show, but well, laughed it all off after 2 wks of torment. i cant imagine picking up momentum to study again. shudnt haf gone to sch today, cos it was quite waste time, esp cos the TJ peeps nv come on schedule, so we had some exam malpractice and HC talk. i'm still set on RJ. i'm a rafflesian!! IF i can make it. but hor, if i cant get into RJ or HC,
slacked the past few days away, life's wonderful, time passed so quickly....for now.
looking fwd to my blog layout tht's in the making, thnks to eve!!

trying to take a breather after 4 days strt of torment.
i swear i wrote the longest zuo wen and gong han in this 2 yrs yesterday! i was so proud of myself. inspiration jus kept flowing. i was so hungry after that that my carnivourous instincts emerged...just ask felly. i tried to bite her innocent hand *beams*

and today sucked. amaths sucked. I nearly cried looking at the qns for the first time. i was just stuck. for a moment i thought God gave up on me or something, and i was praying so hard, 'God dun abandon me'. Perhaps He's too busy, everybody in the hall must have been praying. but i was so proud of myself! i could do the vector-relative velocity qn *beams*

then had geog, which was quite gd! but my hand ached so much after tht. and i came home and slept. my first afternoon nap in how long... i feel as if the exams are almost finished. but the bombers are coming next wk, together, phy and chem and amaths p2. i so love it. but at least they are kind enuf to give us a wkend. geog p1 is tmr, such brainless arrangement, make us go back for like one hr...but b4 that got bio...haha. but seriously, they shudnt haf put geog and amaths together. THEY SHOULD TRY IT FOR THEMSELVES. does it please them to impose such pain on us? we are jus young innocent 16 yr old minds.

btw, read my prev entry too..if u hafnt :)

these days and especially the previous wk, life has been B-O-R-I-N-G boring.trapped at home, limited tv watching, work and work and work. if some one were to write an account of a typical day in the life of a 16 yr old singaporean, it will be

wake up
breakfast
work
lunch
work
dinner
work
sleep

life would haf been worse if not for my handphone game, honeyball!! i'm addicted! ha, sometimes, i tou lan, read TGIS, which is less laborous, and use it as an excuse to slack, but oh well, it's work too! oh btw, lit was so lucky for me!!! i jus finished reading tht part of the bk for the passaged based *beams* emaths today was not bad, easier than i thot it wud be, but i made 2 careless mistakes...>.< careless mistakes are worse than anything else...

was looking at my uniform, and i was thinking, i will miss it so much..u noe, there's this sense of belonging. had lotsa wandering thots during this period of boredom. like, i always wonder if i'm too selfish, always thinking abt myself, the things i want to do, the kind of life i want to lead, I, I, I . but, life's like that, it's either, u do what u want to do, lead your life, or u live up to other's expectations and live they way they want u to live. *shrugs* life's full of ambiguity..

yay, haf gone past 3.5 subjects! hope all goes well for chi compo tmr. it's the 1st time this yr i haf worked so hard on my zao ju.. yay, there's Lavender (the chi movie) on SCV the second day after prelims!!! gonna watch my takeshi *beams* and relax a bit. ha, eve, marilyn and i were toking abt missing the first 3 mths of JC if we end up in CJ or Meridien with our prelim marks....haha,then we can go work or travel! , but i dun think my dad will allow..duh.

oh wellz, gd luck to all!

eve is definitely grieving over the end of olympics man...me and my sis were discussing abt rhythmic gym and how they make things look incredibly easy, doing splits (which exceed 180 degrees) and bending their bodies like nobody's business..

studying is madness...i told my sis dun be shocked if i get a bit cranky or too high..studying too much here. time's running out..haha, make u stressed...okie, tata

i'm damn high today...must be the haw flakes..i ate like 4 tubes today.

watched this damn nice show called "Lassie" with my mum, abt a collie sheepdog..so touching. ha, eve and many ppl are grieving over the end of the olympics..so fast..haiz, and i missed my synchronised swimming!!

my dad's gonna get a new comp!! hallelujah!! chem pract was not bad! but ppl haf very different results for titration but i believe in myself!! then jessie taught me a bit of french during quarantine time. therefore, my msn nick noir et blanc...sounds so cool rite..haha
so lazy to blog more..tata

tchers' day concert was damn funny...they really went all out to entertain us ( i like the mr Law and order..so lame)! but i feel bad cos i didnt get any tchers anything...went back to ph and well, stoned for quite some time b4 everyone came...and miraculously, our long lost roland returned!!! first time in 4 yrs. and he cudnt recognise any of us....and he walked past us, and lcy and i were like staring at each other with the "is that him" look. an ri guy is unmissable among the sea of tchs'. candy came back too, and she cudnt rmb my name as well..tsk tsk *wags finger*

yay...mindy has got some 203 ppl to share the skirt 4 my bday pressie..thnks everyone :) though my bday's still quite some time away. i love the skirt..it's such a pretty thing!
beautiful!! we have english (our fave paper..note the sarcasm) on thurs...i bet our class is so excited abt it man...

i've been quite slack this past wk...come online v often...so i shall stay away frm the comp for 4 days...okie? if u see me online b4 saturday, chase me off!!! i have ultra short attn spans lah.

was watching this taiwan program and there was Bond!! so happy!! *beams* i will try to save $ and get their new album. Bond's albums are the only albums that i truly have the urge to buy originals..sorry to the anti-piracy peeps out there

i think i'm quite screwed for lit..i hafnt finished reading it a 2nd time...jus cant get thru it...and hmm...apparently not prepared for it..*how oh how* but i cant depend on comined hums lah...my writing sux

was watching news jus now and ha, now jiawei has got fans asking for autographs...so funny..she mus have felt weird. and susilo's surprise is so not a surprise lah, even we could see what was coming

physics pract is ambiguous. the outcome always is...i mean, i dunno what to expect frm it...*shrugs*

got kept in drama t for like 3+ hrs, and mindy and i were deciding if we shud eat mac's or kfc...cos naughty her wanted to use her ezlink card for mac's to save $..so we played 3x10 sets of scissors paper stone and i won 2...muahahah, but we went lido in the end..poor her, cant find the size of the shirt she wants. but we saw this really nice skirt in isetan, and we will get it *beams* i'm alrdy thinking of shopping. i foresee 2 wks fully booked with shopping sessions with fellow shopaholics eve, mindy, etc..hahha
all u need is $, all u need is $ (rings a bell? all u need is love..haha)

slack today manz...CANNOT..mus chiong tmr. i hope all goes well for chem pract. i wonder wat's up 4 tchers day celeb...*shrugs* our last in rg so mus go *beams*

u noe what???? i jus downloaded a song frm shareaza in like 3 secs!!!! it was SOOO fast i just watched on, jaw dropped! and it's an oldie summore, thot there wud be less sources... *in a state of shock*
it took me quite sumtime to process the fact that tmr's physics pract..but seriously, i dunno what to do abt it. other then read thru and mem. formulae, and yah, they cant have pract qns for like dynamics, and WEP rite? so..well, hope all goes well. yes..we're are kept in till 12 +...yay, then mindy and i are going to get sharon's present!! we r so telepathic..i smsed her abt this and she said "u freak! i jus wanted to ask u that!" ha, we hafnt been hanging out much after choir...rmb we used to eat lunch together after every single sat choir prac. she's still funny as usual, and her infectious lameness is un-missable.

okie, gotta catch some good sleep or i will keep yawning tmr..gd luck to all!

everyone seem to have turned off their handphones or sth...they dun reply to my msg..but oh wellz...understood. everyone's on exam mode.
sis gave me 'tuition' yesterday on electronics. aint THAT hard actually...i think it's easier to study ourselves from the textbook than trying to understand all the chim stuff chang said. Prob gonna do this for every single chapt... self study. I am so happy with my chem and emaths rev. our prelims 03 was killer manz...and the Os paper mrs pey let us do was SO much easier. Haiz...not very encouraging...cant believe they are using prelim marks for JC entry. Speech day was quite crap...lotsa waiting. the presentation was THIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS long. haha. hao bu rong yi cai deng dao performance. Sec 3s! U guys were quite funny. keep it up! and i love amanda's speech abt battling the Cambridge examiners. *applauds*

and i quote this from PM Lee's National Day Rally:
'We may be small but we have high hopes and big dreams. And so long as we are a little red dot in the middle of South-east Asia, let people know that we are a people who will keep on trying and never say die. And with this spirit, the future is ours to make.'

have i told u how sad i am for jiawei? her match against the squeaky and noisy woman yesterday was SUCH A WASTE!!! she had a great chance of winning the 5th, 6th set...haiz. why oh why?? but she did her best lah..it really did us proud, but still, we were SOOOOO close to making history, and she was so close to earning her 250 000 bucks...
*lets out a loooooong loooooong sigh*
our swimmers were....their records were quite far frm the world one..haha, but well, work harder!!! so, all our athletes balik kampong..train harder for 2008!! Beijing here we come!!! hahah. actually olympics had nv meant so much to me b4, but oh wellz, it will frm now on

sent my big sis off, so now it's me and 2nd sis, still living on fine..haha, but after she leaves as well, i will be real lonely. physics prelim pract is jus 4 days away *shudders at the thot that prelims are so near*

MY PHYSICS IS GONE!!!!! now i am really putting focus on chem as my science for R5..more enjoyable to study...haha, but chang really rushed a lot towards the end, a lot to self study. cant blame him!