today is qt a slack day in sch, witho no GP and no geog lect.

hmm, some ppl said some stuff tht hurt a little. not intentional i know, but it just did...but it set me thinking as well. abt who i am and what i want. do i want approval frm myself? frm my parents? my siblings? my friends? or am i someone who's jus simply living for myself?

i am grateful to be born into my family, a wonderful family (tho sometimes i think it is a little dysfunctional, our relationship with our relatives, and the silence and lack of communication bet me and my parents at times...), privileged and leading a comfortable life. But living in this family comes with loads of considerations and obligations. my sisters are ace students and there are things expected from me, academically. and I, being someone who understands the need to be elite ( in this elitist world) is inclined to conform to these expectations, not wanting to disappoint my parents or get into trouble with them. but i want to do so much more!! i want to have fun, i want to do all tht i've dreamt of doing. im qt a half-half person. half half in faith, in studies, in passion, in having and being fun. WHO AM I??? REALLY??

seriously i would rather be a person complete in one aspect than be myself, half half at everything and not complete at anything at all. that is a very pessimistic view of myself, but i think its true. im just hoping that sth gd will happen to me and i will not have to be so weighed down by considerations expectation obilgations and really be carefree, and do what i want.


tht sounds so out of reach